


Phantom Pain

by SolitaryMess



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: F/F, I haven't played the second game, If things about Jackson are wrong I apologize-I'll fix it later., This is primarily Ellie/Dina/Riley cuz I want them all to be happy and alive.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:28:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24980845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolitaryMess/pseuds/SolitaryMess
Summary: Riley doesn't die at the mall. She survives-and makes it to Jackson and to Ellie.No one told her that there was a thriving community there-so she's pleasantly surprised. She dares to hope again, to dream about something other than death. Ellie Helps. So Does Dina.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie/Riley, Dina/Jesse (The Last of Us), Ellie/Riley (The Last of Us), Joel/Tess (The Last of Us)
Comments: 38
Kudos: 195





	1. Hello Again

**Author's Note:**

> So this plot was on my mind for a whole week before I caved and started writing. I don't own the Last of Us. I haven't played the second game, and I definitely took small liberties with all the characters so they all fit into the plot. Riley's gonna live, Ellie's gonna live, and Dina's gonna live-and hopefully be as gay as humanly possible.

**_“Get the FUCK off me”_ **

The words came out a strangled snarl as Riley swung her lantern like it was a bat. The glass shattered on the hard misshapen edges of a Clicker’s face, catching fire on the ugly fungal shrooms sprouting from it's forehead. It's teeth gnashed together, perhaps in anger, perhaps in pain. It clawed at the searing heat, uselessly fighting the flames consuming it alive. The inhuman screech scraped from the bowels of it's throat, alerted the runners who were closing in from all sides. It was like ringing a fucking dinner bell. Riley didn't stumble as she turned to run. 

The forest became a blur. 

Greenery coasted into barely recognizable fractals as she tore through hedges, and vaulted over rocks. How many bullets did she have left? 5? 6? Nowhere near enough for a hoard of zombies. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fucking shit fuck. 

The words became one long abbreviated sentiment as she barreled down a beaten path full of dusty footprints. Either more walkers lived at the end of the road or patrols visited the area often. Her breath came out in haggard wooshing gusts as she prayed for the latter to be true. Out of her peripherals, she noted a battered sign. Jackson County? City? There wasn't time to read. 

She had one arm. 

One gun. 

5 bullets. 

Perspiration saturated her skin making her clothes feel heavy, and ungainly as she tore through the thinning foliage, death hot on her trail. In the distance she could barely make out a looming fence line. Whoever resided in Jackson was smart. Regular infected could not climb a wall fortified with barbed wire, and policed by roaming guards. 

They might shoot her? There was a laughable amount of cover for her to hide behind, and the moment she stopped, the hoard would descend upon her, ending her last bid for survival. 

There wasn't a lesser evil here.

Her only two options were bleak. 

If actual humans lived behind the walls, they could be hunters, raiders or cannibals. There was no way to tell as her feet continued their desperate sprint. A small despairing voice in her head murmured about the inevitable, and how it always found her. The mall where she lost track of Ellie cost her a whole limb, and months of feverish delusions. 

When she woke up, she was alone, with a bloody stump for an arm and a note that said one word: Run. Her city had fallen to the undead. The fireflies were scattered to the wind. Ellie was a wraith that haunted her; whispering about broken promises **_. I said I would stay._ **

Riley hadn't left the dead zone until a year ago, because the Ellie in her head kept staring at her with those empty defeated eyes. She'd scraped by, as a barely recognizable husk, who dined on rats and slept on rooftops, hoping to see a glimpse of anyone real. Eventually her body recovered. 

Eventually she shored up enough supplies and courage to leave. 

Now there was fifty feet between her and an unpleasant demise.

Huffing with exertion, Riley let out a thundering yell. "NOT INFECTED. DON'T-" The guards standing vigilantly on top of the wall were already brandishing their rifles. Cursing blindly as sweat trickled into her eyes, Riley's entire body ducked into a skid, as bullets rained down from above. The runners behind her crumpled one by one, as she slid to the unyielding gates before her. Spinning, in a virile display of grace she planted one knee on the ground, aiming through the sights of her pistol.

The sound of the firing pin locking, and a bullet leaving the chamber split the air. 

4 shots left. 

Three. 

Two. 

An almost visceral snarl warped her features, as her back collided with the gate behind her. 

**Let me in**.

The plea might have come out as a gutteral demand. 

She didn't want to go out like this. 

The last bullet was going through her skull if no one complied. She pressed herself back; as if she could magically melt into the sheet of solid metal behind her. More infected poured out from the trees, and Riley glanced up furiously at the sentries manning their post. One of them was staring right at her as his arm cocked back to throw a Molotov. She almost read the apology on his lips as he tossed the makeshift explosive ten feet in front of her. Riley felt the heat from the blast as fire claimed the swarm of infected in creeping closer. The howls of pain echoed in the silence. One of them might have been her own as flames licked at her face. The gate behind her shuddered, letting out a heavy groan as it swung inward. 

Riley fell back, no longer supported by the heavy wall of metal. She edged away from the battle, noting dazedly that her body felt like it had been dropped headlong into acid. Everything burned. Smoke filled her lungs. She coughed, hacking up fumes- that refused to dispel completely even as the gates clicked shut again in front of her. The infected outside screamed their dismay at losing another meal. 

Dropping fully into the dirt, she lay there aching. 

Struggling to breathe. 

Her eyes faintly made out the shapes of people gathering around her. Two men and a woman stopped just short of striking distance. The barrel of a rifle came to rest against her temple; and Riley couldn't stop the stilted laugh that bubbled up from her throat. "You think this shit is funny? You brought those fuckers straight to our gates."

Her throat was raw from running. From yelling. From inhaling more smoke than air. Still she forced out a reply. "Your gonna be waiting a long ass time for an apology. I'm not just gonna lay down and **_die_** cuz it's convenient for **_you._** " She heard the click of the safety, and her eyes fluttered in preparation for the worst. 

"Tommy hold on now." The woman interrupted, and Riley tried to commit her face to memory. Middle aged. Battle worn. Brunette. She almost looked like an older version of Ellie without the distracting freckles. "We take in strays here-- we don't punish them for surviving. She outran a hoard of infected. She's a good shot. We could use her."

Tommy didn't look thrilled with the idea at all. The worry lines on his face grew more severe; and his trigger finger twitched in rebuttal. "We don't even know who she is. Or who she is working for. We don't know shit about her beyond she's a lucky ass cripple. Who told you about Jackson?"

"The sign. On the road?" Riley monotoned, gesturing with her good hand in the direction of the forest. 

"Where are your people? There's no way in hell you survived alone like that." He glanced down meaningfully at her battered body. Even if they ignored the new scorch marks littering her frame, Riley's violent history was traceable in the thin scars that webbed upwards from her stumped arm. It was mapped out in the flesh that refused to heal over properly beneath her shirt. She looked like someone's nightmare made reality, and all Tommy saw was a cripple who should have died. 

"Gone." The word came out hoarse. "Every last one of them."

Ellie too probably.

Why else would her ghost keep haunting her?

"Fuck. Are you really gonna shoot her?" The next speaker was younger, maybe her age? His sharp features were haloed by shaggy hair, and upon closer inspection, he appeared to be the Molotov thrower. Tommy didn't look impressed by him in the slightest. 

"You'd rather just let her go? She could have brought the infected here on purpose, and even if she didn't, she's a huge liability. Everyone pulls their weight in Jackson."

"Tommy I know you're worried, but this ain't right. You know it isn't. We can have someone watch her till she proves herself. Just let her stay." The woman was a godsend, and as much Riley wanted to tapdance on Tommy's last nerve, she couldn't keep her eyes open anymore. Everything hurt too much. Her body felt like a sweltering bruise; that throbbed with each breath of air. 

"This is a bad idea Tess." 

His resigned tone was the last thing Riley heard before losing consciousness.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

When Riley woke up she was in an actual bed, with actual sheets. The sun filtered through the window, assaulting her eyes with unnecessary light and she groaned pitifully at the injustice of it all. The transition to coherency was hard. Riley was groggy, and her body protested at every little movement. When her eyes finally did peel open all the way, she noticed her feet were bandaged, and someone had taped gauze over the burn on her cheek. 

Apparently death was going to have to wait another day. 

Riley grimaced as she tried to sit up. 

"I wouldn't do that." 

Tremulous laughter colored the words, and she looked up sharply. Dark brown eyes collided with soft hazel as a woman dressed in a hoodie and shorts approached her. Riley fought the urge to flinch back at the disarming smile the stranger offered. 

"You fractured a rib sometime ago that just started to heal. Your feet and face have third degree burns; and you slept for over nineteen hours. If you push yourself too much, you'll fuck up all the work I just did."

Riley blinked uncomprehendingly, because that was a lot of information to unpack at once. 

"You fixed me up?"

"No. You're still a hot ass mess. I just disinfected your burns and bandaged them. You still need a lot of medical attention."

Well, that sounded horrible. 

Riley didn't relish the idea of being confined to a hospital bed. Jackson's residents had already proven to be openly hostile. How would they feel about Riley consuming precious resources? Bandages, alcohol, sterile tools? Every medical supply was scarce. If the charming little attendee who patched her up, carved her open with a scalpel while she slept, it wouldn't be a surprise. 

Everyone hated outsiders. 

The woman across from her looked at her with something akin to fascination; weighing the danger Riley represented as minimal with a smile. Kind smiles were dangerous, they functioned like unlit petroleum-any spark could set them off.

Riley almost missed being trapped in Boston, with infected waiting around every turn. Those at least she felt equipped to deal with.

“That means I’m stuck here for-what? Days? Weeks?”

Ellie's ghost stared at her from the other side of the room; Riley tried not to acknowledge her. Her eyes kept straying though-pinballing back and forth restlessly between the wraith-and the real live person a foot away. The young attendee watched, quietly, probably an eternal witness to people contending with their personal demons in a hospital bed. “Until you can put pressure on your feet again. They’re too raw for that right now. We’d have to dose you with a year’s worth of pain meds for you to walk to the bathroom alone.”

Riley snorted, and slumped back against the headboard of the bed. “Oh that’s hot. Come watch me pee, or eat shit every day-cuz I can’t walk by myself.”

“Hey just be glad you’re not dead.” A playful slap on her arm sent pain ricocheting downwards. Riley inhaled sharply, but refused to show how much the tiny hit hurt. Her eyes rolled to the ceiling, as she chewed on a reply. 

“I might still die from the indignity of it all.”

Her attendee chuckled, her grin brightening substantially at the banter between them. “You’re very dramatic. I’m Dina, you’re lucky escort; and pill distributor.” Riley tilted her head to the side at the self proclaimed titles, doubting their sincerity until two pills were deposited into her waiting lap. 

Riley squinted at them nonplussed. 

“For the pain.” Dina explained, as if that was enough to put her at ease. Riley wanted to toss the pills, but if they were actually supposed to help deal with the throbbing burns painted in reds; and browns across her body-it would be a mistake. Riley wouldn’t be able to sleep again without hard liquor, or a very effective painkiller.

Riley reached for the pills, scooping them up awkwardly so she could swallow them dry.

Dina watched with a quirked eyebrow. 

The Ellie wraith in the corner mouthed; **_she’s waiting for your name, you fucking tool._ **

Riley blinked, because she hadn’t practiced social etiquette in so long, she forgot how it worked. “Thanks, my name is Riley. Riley Abel.”

“We are going to be spending alot of time together till you take your first steps.” The mischievous expression on Dina’s face reminded her of another asshole with freckles dusting her face; and fire living in her veins. 

“Do I look like a damn toddler to you?” Riley snarked back.

That’s how it went for a couple days.

There were other people in the bay, each with their own assigned attendee. Riley was given Dina-who claimed to be enjoying her company every time she showed up. It was strange that no one else bothered to come see her, not Tess, or Tommy, or even the boy from the gate who nearly melted her face off with a molotov. Riley expected to be put into a cage, or thrown to the infected. It never occurred to her that she might receive help in Jackson. It was a nice change of pace-even if it meant being subjected to Dina’s inscrutable looks and infectious smile. Once or twice she found herself smiling back before remembering how mercurial places like this were. In the end, communities never survived.

Infected or Raiders came in numbers to ruin the charade of peace, and people like Dina tended to die first.

Riley knew that, but couldn’t help her reactions sometimes. 

Dina had a nasty habit of overstepping personal boundaries; touching far too thoughtlessly. Smiling without reservation. Teasing when all Riley wanted to do was brood. Their interactions were tense, toeing the edge of frigid, but Dina persisted with her anyways-chasing a friendship like a starving dog chases a bone.

Her body grew stronger. 

Proper nourishment, and someone to change her bandages did wonders for her constitution. Eventually Riley could go to the bathroom herself, and stroll through the walls of the medical bay. Dina was thrilled with her progress, and kept rambling about parties; and introducing her to people. Riley eventually stuffed a pillow in the other girl’s face.

“I just recovered. Stop trying to torture me.” Riley wasn’t interested in showing up to communal gatherings, or getting to know people just yet. Eventually, such things would be appealing, but right now she just wanted to see something besides the stark white walls of the medical facility. Her old clothes had been washed, and returned to her-so that was what she shimmied into on the day she was free to leave. “Where’s my gun?”

“Oh yeah.” Dina jogged out of view, only to return a minute later with Riley’s favorite pistol. She held it just out of reach though-earning her a tired look of exasperation.“Promise you won’t just disappear. Jackson’s a good place. It could be a home.” Soft fingers clenched around her wrist, and Riley’s resolve stuttered around the contact. 

“I can’t.”

Riley was looking for someone who's probably dead. 

“I’d have to break a different promise to stay.” Riley pulled away, shaking her head to discard the seeds of doubt Dina was planting. Jackson couldn’t be a home when hers had disintegrated in fever dreams-overtaken by a swarm of undead. Dina looked sad, her face twisting with displeasure as she handed back Riley’s personal effects: Her gun, the single bullet of ammunition, and her swiss army knife.

“Well that sucks. You were a shitty patient but I liked you.” Dina hummed, watching Riley as she stowed her weapons properly in their holsters.“My friend is gonna show up in a few minutes to take you to Tess. She wanted to see you once you were on your feet again.”

Riley nodded, because she expected as much. 

Tess was the one fighting for her life while Tommy was contemplating putting a bullet through her skull.

“I still have to finish my shift, but you’ll like my friend almost as much as me.. Ellie’s just as grumpy as you are.”

Riley’s throat convulsed, and she missed a step, colliding with Dina who caught her shoulders, so she didn’t fall. Ellie? Stupid Ellie? Dead Ellie? Her entire world narrowed into a single focal point, and Riley wrenched out of Dina’s grasp, taking a shaky step back-as the door to the medical bay swung inward. 

She knew that walk anywhere.

She knew that face, those widening eyes, those damnable freckles. Older, fuller, not-so-puppyish Ellie examined the scene in front of her with wary eyes. Riley locked gazes with her-and all the air fled from the room. They stared at each other, measuring the distance between them; and years all in one glance.

“Holy shit-Riley?” Her name was barely a whisper.

The ghost Ellie in the corner was smiling for the first time since it made an appearance.

“You two know each other?” Dina’s voice dropped to a low bemused cadence; and Riley only had a second to brace herself before Ellie’s wiry frame collided with her, nearly bowling her over. Her one good arm wrapped around her friend’s waist, securing her tightly so they didn’t end up on the floor. It was hard to reconcile with the shock and relief sweeping over her in waves. Ellie wasn’t dead. Eliie was living in Jackson with a whole new group of friends. Dina was one of them.

It was going to be impossible to leave now.

“Oh we’ve definitely met.” Riley answered vaguely, her fingers reaching up to coast through Ellie’s shortened hair. 

“I thought you died. I saw them-” Ellie's voice broke.

The mall. Fire. Infected crawling out of every crevice, chasing them, cornering them-making Ellie choose between her and survival. Riley made the choice fo her though, because Ellie was stupid. She remembered shoving her out of the tiny escape window, and barricading it so she couldn’t attempt any heroics. Without something to chase, the infected would have overrun them both. Ellie always picked the hopeless cause. 

“Almost. I hid somewhere, cut this off.” Her stump waved next to Ellie’s head. “I fed it to them as a distraction and then found a different escape route.” The explanation was oversimplified, lacking crucial footnotes, about the other 4 years of her life, but there would be time for that later.

Ellie stepped back, a watery smile curving her lips. “You always did have the craziest fucking ideas,”

Riley pursed her lips. “They _worked_ , didn’t they?”

Ellie rolled her eyes, Dina took that as her opportunity to interject again. 

“I’m sorry, how do you two know each other?”

They shared a look, telepathically fighting over what to say. Finally Ellie, in all her sweet, innocent wisdom simply said “She was my first everything.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Don't fuck this up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Chapter, took a while to complete but it's here :) I got distracted cuz I finally bought the game, and lost my respective shit after playing Abby for the first time, I absolutely adore her. 
> 
> And Ellie/Dina make me happy too.

They walked together, the synchronization of their steps an inevitability as they fell back into old patterns. Riley could read every twisting curve of Ellie's expression. Too many emotions to process were flitting across her face. It wouldn't take much to reach over and smooth out the lines wrinkling her forehead. Caution kept her hand from moving, because Ellie wasn't the same scrawny headache from Boston. Riley expected a plethora of questions; or a storm of accusations about where she'd been or how she survived, but this older, battle worn Ellie didn't bulldoze into conversations, heedless of the wreckage left behind. 

She waited. 

It gave Riley time to appraise Jackson. The city seemed to swell under her scrutiny. So many people milled around her, it was hard to breathe. None of them were infected, no one looked harried or short of rations. All of Jackson's citizens were talking amicably, advertising their wares, or exchanging pleasantries about their day. They took a left down an alley- the shortcut veered off into a street market. Vendors were lined up on both sides of the asphalt, and it was strange to see enough commodities to sell. No one was killing their fellow neighbor for supplies, which implied that scarcity didn’t govern the city of Jackson.

People were living normal lives, instead of scraping by to survive.

The guards posted up around the perimeter of the wall didn't roam the sidewalks, to quell disturbances or keep the peace. She could smell food cooking in the distance; something far more appealing than roasted rat, and it made her stomach rumble in anticipation.

"You get used to it, the- crowds, and the sights-it becomes normal after awhile.” Ellie was staring at her instead of the scenery. Riley had to assume she’d lived in Jackson long enough for the bustle of the city to fade into background noise. 

“Can’t see that happening. This place is trippy as fuck.” Riley sighed, unable to tear her gaze away from the endless barrage of people and animals coexisting together. They even had horses here?? Full stables of them?? Where did they get so many? Their trek took them past a few refurbished buildings with cozy exteriors. Well trained mounts waited outside; munching on blades of grass. Her eyes traced the gentle sloping curves of a mare corralled to a fence line; noting that even the pets in Jackson were treated with dignity. 

  
  


Riley startled as a dog slunk out from under a porch, her hand automatically fell to the knife at her side. In the two feet it would take for the dog to lunge, she could whip out the blade in a diagonal arc, slicing open it’s jugular. Ellie’s hand clamped around her elbow, keeping her weapon firmly it’s sheath.

“Easy. That’s Captain. He just wants head pets.”

The little mongrel had white on its muzzle, and approached Ellie like they were old time friends, nuzzling against her knee. Warm brown eyes glanced up at her, and the aging collie made a plaintive noise in the back of it’s throat for attention. Riley stiffly obliged, kneeling down so she could warily scratch under the beast’s chin. “You’re not cute.” She informed Captain, trying not to grin as his tongue lolled out lazily.

“I don’t think he believes you.”

“Fuck him.” Riley scoffed dismissively, rising from her kneeling position so she can dust off her hand. With a gentle push, she nudged Captain away with her foot-very aware of Ellie’s amused gaze burning against her skin. 

“You were scared for a second huh?” Ellie’s voice lilted upwards, teasing her in a way that felt achingly familiar. Riley’s jaw clenched-because she wasn’t used to it anymore, having a friend, or maybe it was having Ellie back, she wasn’t used too.

“Whatever. I don’t feel fear.” The words were unnecessarily hostile-but Riley didn't do anything in half measures. “Fuck that, and fuck you, in particular for doubting me.”

Ellie snorted, poorly concealed laughter beckoning the shadows from her expression. The cold ball of tension in her gut started to unfurl at the sound. It shouldn't be so easy to re-trace the route to easy smiles, and harmless jibes, but their entire relationship was built on contradictions. They were older, wearier, but still the same. Ellie was still Ellie underneath the mercurial armor time and grief had crafted. As if reading her thoughts, the freckled menace halted their snail like progress through town. Nervously, Ellie shifted from foot to foot, her hands shoving into the back pockets of her jeans. 

"I did doubt you. I thought you were dead." They weren't talking about Riley's introduction to Captain anymore. "I grieved for you- I built a grave for you, by the house- I said goodbye Riley." Ellie's voice was strained, like she'd spent the last hour breathing in spores. They'd been tip toeing around the hard topics: Ellie's immunity. Riley's loyalty to the Fireflies. The five years they'd survived clinging to ghosts. "But you're here."

"Most of me, yes." Riley held up her stump, waving it emphatically in front of Ellie's face. "Some of me is still in Boston." Her practicality, her sense of self preservation, and the rest of her fucking arm were all casualties left behind in their home city. "I promised you I would stay. I swore on fucking everything-" The ferocity in her tone surprised them both, and Ellie looked mesmerized by the picture she painted. Riley kept her promise even when it didn't make any logical sense too.

"Marlene found a smuggler to take me out of the city. Joel made sure I was safe. He's the one that got us to Jackson, but there's more. There's so much shit I have to tell you about."

"So tell me."

Ellie opened her mouth, ready to divulge a lifetime of secrets, but the words stalled in her throat. "Later? We are almost at Tess' house."

Their walk led them to a quiet cul-de-sac. Vintage houses with picket fences entered Riley's line of sight. With the sun making its final descent in the sky, it was difficult to pinpoint the exact shade of paint staring back at her as they ambled up the front steps to Tess' porch. Ellie knocked first, taking the lead without any prompting. Riley stood impassively behind her, regarding her stiffening shoulders with interest as Tess opened the door. 

"Howdy."

"Brought her, just like you wanted." Ellie's expression rivaled her tone in sourness, though it was anyone's guess why. Tess didn't look offended, and Riley could only assume a vast majority of her time was spent wrangling ornery teenagers. That's the only way she could stand there placidly accepting Riley into the fold with a smile after how things went down at the gate.

"Good. You clean up nice--Didn’t really expect to see you on your feet this soon...?" The question hovered in the air till Ellie roughly elbowed her side. Not everyone shared a blood history with her, and knew her name. 

"Riley."

"Well I got some food in the kitchen Riley, you can eat, while I talk for a spell. Ellie, You can head back to Joel's, I'm sure he's worried about you being gone so long."

"I'm not going anywhere. " Ellie muttered, shuffling closer to Riley. "Joel can wait a little fucking longer to lecture me." Metaphorical hackles went up, in Riley's defense. Ellie was a solid, flannel colored barrier between her and a potential threat. The world deteriorated around them, overlapping memories with the scene unfolding in front of her. They had been in this position before. Ellie always stepped in, heedless of her own safety. It was a skill, rekindling warmth in all the places cold had taken root. Ellie wasn't tender in her affections; she left bruises, she heralded storms; she tore houses from their very fucking foundations, desperately paying for a few precious seconds of someone else's joy. 

Tess tried to be reasonable. "He's frets and hovers over you like an anxious mother hen, but he means well."

"This is way more important. Plenty of things are more important than his limited supply of feelings."

"Ellie-" Tess cautioned; dragging the syllables out to deter the inevitable explosion. 

" **_What?"_ **

"Ellie." Riley interrupted, her voice dropping to a low soothing cadence. "Relax. This isn't the talk you came here for, is it?" Ellie managed to jerk her head up to look at her, unrecognizable in her fury.

"No."

  
  


"Then chill the fuck out, or explain why we're pissed off at Joel so I can be included." Riley glowered, resisting the urge to throttle Ellie solely because she didn't want blood on Tess' floor. Her old flame was visceral In her rage, but when asked to define her theatrical display of temper, Ellie had no words descriptive enough. It was Joel's fucking fault though. Riley hated being in the dark. Not knowing who Joel was, or what he represented in the grand scheme of things irked her. He was Important enough that his name kept being tossed around in idle conversation. He supposedly protected Ellie after they left Boston. Yet, every time he was mentioned in passing, Ellie looked like she was trying to swallow down a mouthful of bees.

"It doesn't matter, He's a fucking tool. I'm over it." 

"You sound over it." Riley's tone was wry, and Ellie didn't appreciate the lack of sincerity. 

"Shut up."

"You two seem to have bonded awfully fast on the walk from the hospital." Tess' quiet observation distracted them from their bickering. Ellie made a face, muttering something offhandedly obscene. She didn't seem willing to speak this time, because when Ellie explained their relationship, it sounded prolific; like death itself couldn't pry them apart. Sweet, overly sensitive Ellie must have just realized the weight behind her last confession to Dina, because now she refused to respond, or tear her gaze away from the floor.

  
  


"I knew Ellie...from before. When she was a tinier, louder human. She thought I was dead. I thought she was dead. Apparently we underestimated each other." Riley spoke slowly, measuring every word with care because the full extent of their relationship was no one's business. 

"Oh well if you're acquainted, that makes things easier." Tess didn't seem interested in prying deeper into their history. Riley liked that about her. "I was going to ask you to join our community on a preliminary basis. Tommy still doesn't trust you after the gate incident, so you'll need an escort for awhile. Ellie is an easy choice for you right?" Joining any sort of large group made Riley queasy, but her body ached from surviving alone. She didn't want Ellie's wraith to be the only person she could talk too again. 

"She'll do. I guess." Riley faked a grimace. 

"Dick." 

"Dina is so much nicer to me though." This time Ellie did actually hit her; and Riley stifled a wince behind a subtle chuckle. 

"I'm sure Ellie can rotate out with her if she gets tired. Just so we're clear, you do want to give this place a shot? Jackson's not perfect but you can make a home here." Tess sounded perhaps a little hopeful, but Riley didn't need convincing. She was already certain that Jackson was safer than wandering through the fucking woods again. 

"I'll try anything once."

"How about Chili? It's sitting on the stove." Tess' offer was plaintive, leaving room for refusal. Riley was not about to turn down a meal though. 

"I might need to try that five or six times, just to make sure it's edible." 

Tess grinned. 

Ellie rolled her eyes fondly, before guiding her to the kitchen. Tess pilfered some plates from her cupboards, and stacked them both high with Chili. 

Riley ate like it was her first time seeing food In weeks, with two amused sets of eyes watching her like a hawk. 

* * *

  
  


_It was uniformly decided she would stay with Ellie._

_Apparently the little house she shared with Joel had an extra room. She wasn't worried about taking up space though, her main concern laid in meeting Joel._

_"So what's he like? Your smuggler?"_

_"He's quiet, keeps things close to his chest. Tommy's his brother, and they are both stubborn as fuck. I wouldn't have made it this far without them." Ellie's last sentence was laced with so much bitterness it made Riley pause._

**_Would you rather be dead?_ **

_The question never made it to fruition because Riley was scared to know the answer._

* * *

"What the hell Ellie? You don't just sneak out when you want to see Dina. You can't do shit like that over a girl. You didn't even leave a note, we just had that blow up at the gate a few days ago-" His words were twisting streams that poured out into a well of parental anger. Ellie didn't prepare her for this scene. Joel, the infamous brother of Tommy, sweeping her friend up in a hug like she might disappear in a screen of smoke. 

Riley stood by the door awkwardly until he noticed her, or until the stiff embrace he trapped Ellie in ended. 

"Jesus Christ Joel, I'm fine. This wasn't about Dina. " Ellie shoved him away, a well patented scowl on her lips. He didn't resist her need for space, although the weathered lines in his expression grew more severe when his gaze fell on Riley. Clearly she didn't match the description of anyone he knew from Jackson, and Riley could almost hear the alarm bells going off in his head. 

"I was the trouble from the Gate-"

"This is Riley-"

Ellie spoke in unison with her, making it hard to pluck out any real words between them. Joel appeared rightfully confused. 

"You're the trespasser." He concluded, wariness eclipsing his tone, as he turned to Ellie accusingly. "Why'd you bring her here?" Joel went straight into hounding Ellie at the door when they arrived,in his haste he managed to steamroll right past Riley until now. 

"I know her, Joel." 

"From where?"

"Boston. _This_ is Riley."

They communicated in clipped, barely cohesive sentences, but somehow Ellie's point still evoked a reaction. Joel's look of dawning comprehension came and went with frightening speed. Clearly he possessed some idea of who Riley was. 

His gaze fell to her stump of an arm, and he cocked his head to the side. "That how you survived?" Ellie apparently trusted this man enough to detail the mall incident to him. What else did he know? Judging from his reticent expression, Riley could threaten him with torture, and he still wouldn’t say more than two words at a time. He was an old war dog type, deceptively calm, while his mind still waded through a blood soaked battlefield.

Riley could learn to like him, if Ellie ever stopped scowling in his direction.

“This, and some very potent drugs.” Riley remembered spending the first few months of lucidity, doped up on every pain medication she could find. Waking up in the trenches of Boston, without a single living soul to explain what happened was terrifying. The military was gone. The Fireflies were gone. She drifted through abandoned buildings, hoping vainly for some remnants of life.

Nothing prevailed but the undead.

“Tess gave me the okay to stay in Jackson, Ellie said you have a spare room I could take?” The swift change in subject was necessary. They weren’t assembled in Ellie’s living room to compare trauma. That wasn’t a competition anyone wanted to win.

Joel grunted, eyes darting anxiously between her and Ellie. 

“If you cause trouble-”

“She won’t, Joel.” Ellie’s voice was icy as she took Riley’s free hand and navigated them around the aging sofa, so they could trek up the stairs. The house was different than any dorm room, or rooftop that Riley managed to personalize for herself. The walls were bare, except a few photos of hunted game that might have been from the old family that lived there. Ellie didn’t spare the decor a glance as she led them down a dimly lit hallway; and through a creaky doorway. Christmas lights circumvented the room, giving it a soft hazy glow. There was a single bed, and a desk with sketches scattered across the surface. In the far corner, a newly strung guitar leaned against the wall.

“This is my room.” Ellie gestured to the interior, before plopping down on her mattress, so she could take off her boots. “The guest bedroom is down the hall to the right, but-”

“It’s a little early to sleep?”

Riley helped her, conceding that it felt wrong to be in the room down the hall, when Ellie was right here. They were together again for the first time in years. They were both alive. How many times had she imagined this scenario? It was supposed to be more joyful, but the elated feeling never stirred in her chest. There was no room for it, when her body felt like a walking bruise-and her mind still struggled with the boundaries of reality.

Ghost Ellie whispered in her ear. **_“Don’t fuck this up.”_ **

Riley suddenly felt tired, and overwhelmed. 

Trudging over to the edge of the bed, she dropped down next to Ellie, who didn’t comment at their close proximity. They didn’t say anything, consumed by their own thoughts, and vices. “I could, you know, cause trouble? I’m really good at it. You have no idea who I am, or what crowd I’m associated with now.”

Ellie huffed, the gentle noise riddled with disbelief. “Are you trying to start a fight? We’ve had this fucking fight before. I don’t care this time, who you’re running with, or why. I’m just really glad you’re not dead.”

That made Riley grimace internally, because they weren’t kids playing around at school anymore. Riley wasn’t tempted to join some humanitarian project to save the world, at any cost. If she was brutally honest with herself, she had nothing left to pay the toll of heroism with. It sounded noble in comics, but in her version of reality, Ellie’s immunity would have made her a sacrifice, and a martyr. Riley would have gutted her like a fucking fish, if it meant saving what was left of the world.

She had no desire to go back down that ruinous path.

It would eviscerate her to try.

Ellie would be dead.

Ellie had been dead to her for years, and it still hadn’t fully sunk in that she was alive- and well.

“No. I’m by myself this time around. You were right, I don’t want trouble. I’m tired of being chased by trouble.” Riley muttered flopping back on the bed, her battered body groaned in protest at the softness of it all. How could she go back to sleeping on rooftops when beds were so much nicer? “I’m glad you’re not dead too, by the way.”

“You fucking better be.”

It was beguiling, because in their vast history, Ellie had always been the resident wallflower, preferring to observe, before committing to a course of action. Time had only made her more forthright, and reckless. Riley almost enjoyed the newly emboldened Ellie.

“Cuz I was your first everything?”

Scarlet dusted over freckled cheeks, and Ellie looked anywhere but at her. “Shut up. You were my first **_friend.”_ **

“And your first kiss.” Riley reminded her, a shit eating grin curving her lips-that for some reason Ellie seemed horrified by. The memory was so long ago, but it would be easy to replicate, in this saccharine moment. There was less than five inches between them, all Riley had to do was sit up to close the gap. 

She didn’t though, because there was no justification for it. There was no firm groundwork in place to support the dire need for physical contact. Ellie wasn’t the same, and might not even be interested anymore.

Riley wasn’t interested in rejection, or overstepping when their relationship was still so fragile.

“You’re such an insufferable dickweed.” Ellie grumbled, flopping back so they were both horizontal on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. They used to do this back at the military school too, spend arduous amounts of time on the same bunk, reliving the day, or trading banter back and forth. Melancholy thrived in the crisp evening air, harkening back to a time when their biggest concern was getting enough ration cards for the week.

For a moment it felt like they were in Boston again.

Riley smiled, adrift between the past and the present.

“You like me anyways.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	3. New Normal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo this one's a little shorter, but it felt like a good place to stop.
> 
> Guys I finished the game and lost my shit. 
> 
> I'm adopting Abby now, she's my child, and I love her dearly. 
> 
> And that ending was soooooo just--painful.

They slept in the same bed for three days in a row. Riley would wake up with Ellie nestled against her spine, or sketching quietly in the corner. There was an artful congruency to it all, waking up to shakily reaffirm that Ellie was real, not just a phantom her tattered subconscious created. Riley couldn’t count the number of times before arriving at Jackson that she reached out for the wraith of her dead friend, only to grasp blindly at air. Having warm, solid evidence to greet her everyday was reassuring. Her mind wasn’t an unsalvageable wasteland, it just needed time to repair itself. It needed rest.

They fell into a habitual routine. Riley woke first, stirring languidly to the sounds of Joel rummaging through the kitchen. Ellie slept through his elephant stomping, content to snore the morning away like a tired trucker back from the road. 

Ellie and Joel were similar in their propensity for loud noises. They bulldozed through every day life with reckless booming intentions, ignorant to the ear splitting quality of their approach; but they never said much. They didn't waste time with words like most people.

In the past couple days, Joel had barely acknowledged her presence in his home, and that suited her fine. It gave her time to heal, and get reacquainted with Ellie. 

  
  


Riley couldn't easily slot into the space she used to occupy for Ellie. They took baby steps, testing the waters; testing boundaries; carving out new ways to fit together. Years of absence fell away as they relearned each other's subtle nuances. Ellie wasn't fond of casual touch anymore. She jerked away from it, or endured it quietly,but never craved it. It was strange because five years ago, they could barely keep their hands off of each other.

Riley's problems didn't manifest in the same way. 

She talked to herself, and to Ellie's phantom still. Both conversations were disconcerting to watch, because her mind contrived real answers from thin air. 

  
  


She also paced. Back and forth, up and down the stairs of Ellie's home, counting every step till she knew each creak of wood by heart. Riley would reach the precious golden number of 186, and then retrace her route to the beginning starting at 1. The repetition helped center her thoughts when she woke up, terrified to face another day of solitude in Boston. She examined every picture frame, and reveled in every groaning step on the staircase till Riley's mind processed that Boston was hundreds of miles away. 

  
  


Ellie’s presence helped too, even if she wasn’t the same Ellie that followed her around like a goddamn puppy. There were sharp edges to her now, that Riley tried not to stumble into. She wasn’t graceful in her avoidance, and more-often-than not they ended up bruising each other anyways. On the third day of them sharing a room, an unannounced touch on Ellie’s shoulder nearly sent Riley crashing through a wall. It was like setting off a tripwire. Wild eyes pinned her down with unfathomable hatred-and Ellie wasn’t even seeing her anymore.

  
  


Whoever Ellie pictured in her mind's eye triggered an immediate violent response. Riley had a minute to react, catching the flying elbow that threatened to cave in her airway with one hand. "Ellie. Stop. STOP. It's me. Fuck---" A fist sped toward her bloodying her nose with a stupefying crack. Riley saw, felt, and tasted red. With little thought to the consequences she slammed her forehead into Ellies, forcefully ripping her from her violent haze till she could comprehend the verbal foot traffic leaving Riley's mouth. "I cannot believe-"

A geyser of blood was pouring from her nose and she tried stem the flow with two fingers. 

Ellie noticed with mounting horror. Her hands shook, the whites of her eyes betrayed panic. "Riley, shit I didn't mean to-"

"You murdered my fucking nose." Riley didn't feel any broken bones, so that was a plus, but her voice came out a strangled wheeze. 

Ellie looked sick with guilt, but after hearing that particular nasally sentiment a waspish smile curved her lips. "You sound funny"

"Fuck  **_off_ ** ."

They stared at each other, Riley with her bloody nose, Ellie with her blossoming shiner. They were quite a battered pair. The ludicrousy of their injuries broke them. It wasnt clear who started laughing first but after a couple seconds they were both cackling, flailing, and barely able to stand. Ellie recoverd first, wiping the mirth from her eyes. "No but I'm really sorry about that. I forgot for a second that it was you- that you stay in my room. I wasn't trying to split  **_your_ ** skull open."

Whose skull was she trying to split open?

How the fuck was Riley supposed to respond to that. 

"Esh Fine."

The barely coherent words made Ellie snicker. Riley hissed at her swatting her away so she could do something useful like find a towel to soak up the blood. 

That was day three of living together. 

Day four, Riley moved out of Ellies room, because she didn't want to intrude anymore. Something about having people orbiting her space made Ellie tense. Even with the few individuals she knew and trusted- her body was wound tight like a bow, pulled taut by a string. That sort of practiced wariness was learned. Someone heinous beyond measure taught Ellie to fear proximity. Riley wanted to destroy them for it. 

Hopefully they were dead already. 

Their new routine was more cautious. Riley was more considerate of Ellie's space. Ellie was more adept at picking out when Riley needed an anchor to reality. They treaded carefully, skirting around triggers and landmines that might engulf their world in flames. 

During the day both girls held each other at arms length, unwilling to shatter the fragile new ground they stood on. They reserved the afternoon to grapple with things that normal friends do together. Once Riley's feet healed they could explore Jackson in earnest. Ellie played the role of an overly exasperated tour guide without any rehearsal. Their second stroll through town was different than the first because this time Riley was introduced to each building and it's purpose. The only bar in Jackson was aptly named Tipsy Bison. The medical center was further out by the gate so they were close enough to pick up injured patrols when they came in. There was one library; several watch towers, and a slew of green houses, where food was grown organically to eat.

She'd never seen anything like it. 

Boston never capitalized from it's resources like Jackson did. It was overwhelming to her tired senses. A functioning city, where people lived in actual fucking houses shouldn't even exist? No map could ever properly convey what this place actually offered: a safe zone, where people had a chance to be something other than a scavenger, or a survivor. 

Riley was scared to appreciate it, lest it turn out to be another dream. 

Ellie told her that was okay. 

She could learn to appreciate one little thing at a time. 

Their visit through the city eventually took them to the stables, where a small collective of people with guns had gathered. Heading the flock was a familiar face with sharp features and defined cheek bones. He noticed them, pausing halfway in his explanation to wave at Ellie. Riley scowled when he had the balls to actually amble closer to them. "Your the one that nearly melted my fucking face off with the Molotov."

His expression wavered from sheepish to apologetic. "You remembered."

"Obviously. You don't forget the dude who literally sets you on fire."

Ellie glanced covertly between them, piecing together what happened in a few short glances. Her lips pursed into a thin line. "I see you've met Jesse." Her cool tone made the warm August breeze feel frigid. Jesse was taller than both of him, but under Ellies scrutiny, he seemed just a tad smaller. 

"There was a hoard following you. We don't have that many bullets. It wasn't personal." He groused, shifting his weight anxiously from his left foot to his right. He managed a tentative grin, holding his hand out for her to shake. "If it's any consolation, I'm really glad you didn't die. We could definitely start fresh, If you want too. I swear I won't try and set you on fire again " He held up two fingers like he was a boyscout. Riley's surly expression didn't change, didn't even twitch. 

**"Would you have done anything differently?"** Phantom Ellie was leaning casually against one of the stables, asking her questions she didn't have the answers too. 

"Yes. " Would she? Fire was such a messy way for someone to die. It was irresponsible in the wrong hands. "Fire is indiscriminate when it burns. It devours everything."

"Uh." Jesse looked understandably perturbed, as Riley argued with the phantom no one else could see. The mental contortions it took to follow her train of thought, meant leaving practically behind. Jesse didn't look ready to undertake that endeavor. His face was pale,his eyes resembled saucers as he slowly canted his head to look for some indication of her sanity. She was literally debating about fire safety with the unresponsive wall behind him. 

"She does this sometimes " Ellie, the real Ellie, gently captured her wrist. "Riley." Calloused fingers tapped against her inner forearm.Riley counted each gentle flexing finger, till the numbers took precedence over the words of a ghost. She blinked and Ellie's wraith was gone, vanishing into the shadows of the stable. 

"Is she okay?" Jesse sounded concerned after the off-putting display he just witnessed. 

Riley massaged her temple, stemming a headache before bothering to speak. 

"She is fine. Thank you for asking her." He tripped over laughter, when her snarky reply registered to him. 

"You're funny. Really glad you're not burnt to a crisp. " He shrugged boyish charm coloring every word. Some girls probably found that sort of thing appealing. "Are you going to be up to patrolling anytime soon? We could use the extra hands."

"I already lost my extra hand." His gaze skittered down her amputated arm, understanding flickering like embers among coals. 

"Oh. Shit we'll take whatever you got." He shrugged carelessly, unphased by her disfigurement. It was better than Tommy's reaction to her. Maybe Jesse wasn't so bad? Ellie didn't seem too bothered by him either, she didn't arch away like a hissing cat when he got too close. 

"She just got here. Let's give her some down time before putting her to work." Ellie hummed, clearly not fond of the idea of Riley scouting the perimeter with a patrol yet. Her first week of Jackson had been bereft of physical labor. Her body couldn't handle that sort of strain yet. She had just gotten to the point where she could roll out of bed without wincing. Ellie had been staying home from her normal duties around town to track her progress.No one showed up to question her absence. Did anyone care that Ellie hadn’t left her home in days? Did anyone notice? 

“I would like to join the patrols eventually, whenever you need an extra body. I can’t just sit around forever" Riley knew her patience wasn't endless when it came to sitting still. Only a week had passed since her arrival to Jackson but she was already itching to be useful again. Riley couldn't stomach being a burden, and she didn't need two hands to shoot infected. 

Jesse nodded affably. "Let me know when you're completely cleared. We'll put you on the roster." He paused, expression conflicted as something new occurred to him. Riley waited for him to sift through his thoughts. His jaw flexed, looking for the right words. Eventually he simply blurted out an invitation. "There's a little get together at my house in a couple days. Ellie's always invited, but you can come too- "

Ellie looked amused, while Riley just stared at him with burgeoning disbelief. "A party? Wait. Are these the ones Dina kept trying to make me go too?"

"Dina invited you already? It's not even her fucking party." Jesse grumbled, throwing his hands up in exasperation. Clearly, Dina did whatever she wanted, including stealing Jessie's thunder. Riley bit the inside of her cheek to stop a laugh from slipping out.

"Don't be mad dude. You know how Dina is." Ellie shrugged, strangely immune to Jesse’s ire. Her nonchalance grated on him, and he pinned her with a look that could only be described as unimpressed.

“She’s a damn headache.”

Ellie shrugged again. “A headache you keep asking for. You break up with her every other week.”

**_Oh._ **

  
  


That explained alot. 

Jesse and Dina were a couple; maybe not officially, but they did that hot and cold dance with each other-that no one understood. Ellie must have been given front row seats to their dysfunction, watching it devolve into chaos every week until it became normal. That explained her dismissive behavior. Jessie groaned, rubbing the back of his head because he couldn’t argue with her point. “Still. There are rules. Maybe I didn’t want to invite someone new over, no offense Riley.”

“None taken.”

“It’s whatever, I guess. The offer still stands. It’s nothing big, just a few people over, and some drinks. Ellie might actually stay longer than an hour with you there.”

Ellie looked like she’d rather swallow a handful of nails, but Riley didn’t call her on the repulsed expression creasing her features. “We’ll see. It was nice to meet you Jesse.” He smiled, awkwardly giving her a thumbs up before excusing himself. They watched him walk away, silence reigning after his departure. Ellie was fiddling with the edge of her tattoo, running anxious fingers down the vines to give her hands something to do.

“So, a party huh?”

“No.”

Ellie turned away, stalking down the row of stalls till she was in front of a large beige horse, who bobbed his head in greeting. In front of every little gate, there was a bag of treats-that were hanging from the ceiling beams. Ellie fumbled for a carrot to offer, before giving up-and producing a sliced apple from the bag. “This is Shimmer.” She introduced the horse, who crept closer to mouth at the treat. “She’s the best.”

Riley smothered a laugh at the name.

She wasn't keen on the subject change though. "You haven't left your house since I got there? You don’t want to hang out with your other friends?” Riley enjoyed every single minute with Ellie. Over the last week they spent hours doing things that were considered taboo in Boston. 

Smoking. 

Watching movies. 

Cheering while Ellie plucked idly at the strings of her guitar, trying to downplay her obsession with music.

It was surreal. 

However, Ellie wasn’t just hers? 

There were other people in Jackson that were important to her. “I just wanted some time with you. I see them all the time, and I really don’t handle parties well. They’re stupid.” Ellie saw her incredulous expression, and averted her eyes, because they both remembered nights in the dormitories where they wished the rules weren’t so strict. They would have killed for a party, where their only responsibility was to have fun.

They had almost died at the mall pretending they were unencumbered by a bleak future, where only death waited for them. Riley had lost an arm, because they were children who never got the opportunity to experience their childhood. Ellie refused to make that mistake again. Her gaze was always wary, scanning the distance for trouble. Even in Jackson, she never dropped her guard, and Riley wanted to see her let go. 

History deigned to repeat itself in that moment.

“C’mon Ellie, it’s a party, it’s not like we’ll get into trouble?”

The familiar words brought them back to that night, when she broke into her room. That night when they said goodbye for the final time. Ellie’s expression was almost identical in its staggering disbelief. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Riley’s grin was shameless.

“That’s the spirit.”

“I fucking hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

Ellie mimed choking her, and Riley’s snickering drew attention from the other side of the barn. 

Everything felt painfully normal for once.

Riley could get used to the feeling.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! :)


End file.
